Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Snog Marry Avoid?

Snog marry avoid seems to regard itself as a major innovation in the mind numbing genre of ‘the make over show’. It offers its participants a ‘make-under’: a radical life changing opportunity for them to see themselves without make up . The show has one simple message; too much slap and you’re a slapper. The participants are largely female, though men are also occaisionally featured,  so that when anybody dares point out that the whole thing might be a little bit sexist they can reel them out and say ‘no way, look we picked on some men too’.  The participants are made to stand infront of ‘Pod’, a cheap looking computer graphic which looks like a giant mechanical talking clitoris.  

Pod tells them that they look ridiculous with a lot of make up on, and the point is duly emphasised by Vox Pops men in the street, who decide whether they would 'snog' 'marry' or 'avoid'.  In this weeks episode, a barbiefied EMO kid is told that her bright make up makes her look stupid, and men are encouraged to call another woman 'cheap'. The 'make unders' inevitably dress the women to fit a fairly bland ideal which impresses the men in the street. To add to the hypocrisy of the proceedings the presenter herself is caked in make up, it's not so much about going without make up, as wearing 'natural look' make up. Once again television mistakes sexist nonsense for emancipation. 

Probably too long and not really enough of a review for my application form, I thought I would publish this here anyway in response to some guardian tit writing a tenuous piece in praise of Snog Marry Avoid

Been trying to think up some kind of male version, say...
'How much of a cock is this guy?'*
It would involve men parading about, acting agressively or like sexist gits, and then women get to rate them on a 'cock-ometer'. They would also be ridiculed by a talking camera. Hell you could even have a celebrity one, with awards for Celebrity Cock of the year, finally giving Jeremy Clarkson and John McCirirck a good reason to be on TV. 

Incase you were wondering, yes, this is what you get if you type 'cockometer' into google images.
It also looks like Jeremy Clarkson has something on Top Gear called a 'cockometer', hopefully he won't get too close to it himself or it might just explode..

* Even as I type this I worry i am being too mean, proving that I have much more of a soul than anyone involved in 'snog marry avoid'

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