There are a lot of things that I would do if I didn't have a soul, one of which is advertising and marketing. I think I would be good at it; it's also probably a really fun job for those bereft of a social conscience.
I came up with an idea the other day which I think could make me millions. Inspired by the patronising pinkification of items which though fairly neutral in and of themselves, have become more associated with men. Girlie gardening, pink computers, pink tools - all over the place women are encouraged to buy 'boys toys' by companies making pink versions*.
All this is obviously making someone somewhere some money.
So what-about Macho Housework? Plenty of companies are already using this approach, like Coke Zero - which claims to be a healthier diet drink, but is largely a product intended to tap the body conscious dick market.
So why not market traditionally 'women's work' to men by making it macho?
I have lots of ideas for products which would cover a broad range of household tasks....
* The Footie Machine - it's a green front-loading washing machine with a football for a door!
* For use in your Footie Machine... blokey detergent! It comes in a suave black box, with silver writing and geometric shapes. Comes in a variety of flavours - beer, bacon, and Lynx (possible joint product?)
* Action Hero Washing line - it's a retractable washing line with your favourite action hero on one end! Watch him zip line from one side of the garden to the other. Available in numerous varieties including Sly Stallone, Indiana Jones and The Terminator. Comes with pegs featuring your favourite movie characters! Available in Sci Fi or Action Movie. Pegs also come free with special packs of Blokey Detergent - can you collect the whole set?
*The radio-active Mancrowave - it's a microwave with snazzy radiation warning stickers!
* Part of the same range as the Mancrowave, is the Radio-active mop. This mop has power. This is the sort of mop that Jack Baur would use to mop up nuclear waste; or as a creative implement of torture. Available in black and green with snazzy radiation warning stickers!
*What could be more manly than knives? How about knives SHAPED LIKE GUNS! Also available as swords.
* Are you Hoovering, or are you controlling your own monster truck van, or space-ship? That's right, a hoover shaped like monster truck, van or space-ship.
In truth my intention was to come up with stupid products, but actually some of these sound quite fun, more fun than pink garden shears anyhow.....
* or chose more expensive pink versions of products they would have bought anyway which is probably more likely the case.